But Still Not Enough?
There are too many ideas floating around in my head. I have so many ideas for this blog, ideas for what to make next with polymer clay, and so, so many ideas for my fictional podcast. Have you ever had so many ideas you don’t even know where to start? Where it feels like you’re drowning inside your head?
Thinking over how I would like this year to go, I felt overwhelmed by all the things I want to accomplish. As I mentioned in my first post last week, I’m hoping writing these small “articles” will help me navigate my brain a little better. *queue “Navigating” by Twenty One Pilots*
My new motto for this year seems to be, “one step at a time”. One blog post a week, taking life one day – one hour even – at a time, painting one canvas at a time, stringing one bead after the other, etc. I will move through it, I will conquer one step at a time until I reach the top, whatever or wherever that may be. And as cheesy as it tends to sound, I believe God has a plan for me. I just need to breathe and follow wherever God takes me.
And all this talk of taking one step at a time, the biggest step I am working my way towards is putting out more of what I refer to as my Dream Podcast. Since this is a fairly new platform for me to be on, let me provide some context on what this podcast is and why it has become so daunting for me recently.
*rewind tape noises*
The year is 2020, the time is roughly springtime, just before the Spring Break that ended up lasting for like 2 weeks I believe. I am a college student at the time, in what was hopefully my second to last full semester before graduating. I was in the process of working on my submission for what my Capstone project was going to be to “prove” that I was ready to graduate basically, a final hurrah, if you will. (For further context, I was studying under a very creative/freeform kind of art school for a Production and design degree, with my focus being on sound design.)
I had this idea about making a dream podcast that was immersive and designed to show off all the sound designing skills I had learned during my time in this school. One of my main influences was (and still is) my favorite movie, Inception. I called it, What Happens in a Dream and I am so proud of how it turned out by the time I graduated in December of 2020.
I have a note that was started at the beginning of this project of things I wanted to incorporate and little details to try and enhance the story, the characters, the immersive-ness of the sound design itself. I had come up with so many ideas I realized I probably had enough material to do several more in a series.
Unfortunately, after graduation and trying to find a job with my new degree, I did not end up going back to work on this podcast. I worked a really fun bookish job and time got away from me.
Fast forward 4 years, in early 2024. I “woke up” out of my idea chokehold for a moment and created episode 2: The Wake-Up Call (hehe, get it?). In terms of sound design for this, I wish it was a little bit…more? I didn’t have a “real” professional studio and most of the sounds that I couldn’t make myself were from freesound.org (which is a great site if you ever need really low quality audio samples from around the world, it’s really great in a pinch).
Anyways, I had hyped myself up so much when I was putting this out. I really thought I was getting somewhere in this podcast project. I really thought I had the momentum I needed to get going. But, if you’re following a trend in this blog today, many more ideas come into my head for more lore and more possibilities and I got overwhelmed. I got so overwhelmed to a point where I just wanted the ideas out and ready to go, but that’s not how art works. It takes time…one step at a time: prep the canvas, grab the brushes and paints, don’t forget the water cup and paper towels. By the time you’re strapped into an apron, do you even remember how to paint? What color do you start with? Which idea are you going to tackle first?
But this year feels different somehow and I don’t know how else to explain why this year feels any different than last year. It just does. I have slowly been collecting all the pieces I need for this next episode over the past year and a half. I just need to find the time to put them all together.
And I know I’ve also been putting it off because this project means so much to me. It’s so quirky, whimsical, and so outright weird in the best ways possible. It’s getting weirder by the episode and my expectations for pulling it off are really high. “The only limit is your imagination.”
I know many artists can get intimidated by their own ideas and expectations. We are our own worst enemies, and I believe if we, the artists, can learn to understand that, and learn to embrace it, we can overcome it. One step at a time. Breathe. You got this! Keep on creating. I have found ways to be creative with other crafts when I’m not drowning in my dreams.
I don’t know if I’ve ever explained this before in writing. This was quite a deep cut for me, so thanks for sticking through it. Here’s to high expectations that lead to way too many ideas and procrastination. Wish me luck!
If you’d like to listen to the episodes I have out now, you can find them in the link in my bio or search on YouTube or Spotify: What Happens in a Dream Podcast. I hope to have updates soon about my progress in the next steps I take to releasing this next episode.
Talk to y’all next week!
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